Feedback-Concerns-Appreciation (Letter from a boy)
First of all, this site is really a commendable effort on behalf of the community. Marriage not only saves an individual from the committing of gross sins, but helps him/her to consolidate 'Iman' and provide the bliss of various types of support individual needs. Your site is an excellent effort towards this great cause!
But coming back to the followers of Islam who are seeking husbands for their daughters/ husbands for themselves through this site,I have a few observations to share (OBSERVATIONS INCLUDES RESPONSES FROM THIS SITE USERS AND MUSLIMS RESIDING IN OTHER PARTS OF USA CONTACTED THROUGH OTHER MEANS):
- It seems that Muslims brothers(parents) and sisters(marriage seeking) have lost the courtesy to reply.All I see is curiosity till they receive a detailed biodata and pic. Once the same is received ,they sit over it and never get back on their own. After repeated follow ups, I have received responses as -"I haven't discussed with my wife/I haven't discussed with husband/my husband is very busy these days/my wife is very busy/my daughter is out of station/we recently had a surgery few weeks ago on one of the family members(this was not mentioned while they asked the biodata 3 days ago!!)"
- Never-ever the girls pic /biodata is forwarded by their parents.Is there some kind of fobia in their minds?A PDF file can be sent,if someone fears misuse.
- Conditions like "boy should have spent at least 10 years in USA".He should be Americanized(Whatever it means). No one has ever explained-how spending 10 years in USA will make him a good muslim husband.Can someone please explain?
- Some girls develop 'Cold Feet' (?)if they know that the boy is particular about salaat/namaaz, roza, reads Quran with meaning, says 'Insha-allah'/'masha-allah' during his conversations .These are the same girls who think drinking ALCOHOL in limit is OK. I have come across at least 2 muslim sisters in USA who practice drinking alcohol themselves AND DONT THINK IT IS WRONG.
- Instead of analyzing case to case,there is an attempt to generalize things(example"If you have been moved to USA recently then you will not give freedom(?) to your wife."Interestingly,no one explains what freedom means to them at this point).
- Unrealistic expectations:Once I was asked to fly from Italy to California by a girls' father (to directly meet him)who was not willing to send a biodata nor a picture after receiving the same from my end.(I in fact asked him that as he likes my profile and is OK with my picture,why doesn't he flies to Sicily to see me-I never received any reply from him afterwards)
The list can go on and on.May be other brothers can add their experiences.The sisters can have their experiences too...
The only concern is that ,such events are the hindrances in effectively addressing the issue of marriage which every parent/every individual has to face.
As some brother has rightly said that the main objective should be to find a compatible spouse who should be good for all the three - Deen, Duniya and Aakhirat(The religion,The world and the Hereafter).Once muslims take the focus away from these three things,the degeneration will become inevitable as far as marriage is concerned.
May Allah alone guide all of us!
Concern (A Frustrated Parent)
JazakAllah Khair for helping me finding contact information of requested profile.
May Allah (SWT) accept your effort and reward you here and hereafter ameen.
I am facing problem contacting people. Some of the boys do not return calls or answer the emails. I am really worried about finding a suitable match for my daughter. Which in today's world seems very hard.
It's my heartily dua that May Allah swt Bless you with happiness, Imaan and health and reward you for your hardwork ameen. May Allah Bless you and reward you ameen.
Success Story (An Unforgettable Birthday Present)
I got a bouquet of red roses on my birthday from my husband, along with a teddy bear and a card, saying that all our dreams would come true. At that time, I used to call him a "Stranger". Yes, he was a stranger, whom I had never met before. But had just seen his picture. I never thought that some day, some one would just pop up into my life.
It all began when a friend of mine asked me to create my profile on Muslim network of St. Louis website. At first, I was hesitant to create it but realizing that finding a match in a non-Muslim country can be pretty difficult, I sent my profile and picture.
One day I got an e-mail from Muslim Network saying that a person is interested in my profile and if I want to pursue she can send me more details. I couldn't believe it. I had just sent my profile a couple of days ago. And honestly, I was in the biggest shock of my life. I had just graduated in May and started working for a fortune 500 company. My husband pursued immediately in getting my brother's contact information and contacted us.
And the rest is beautiful history.
I have been happily married for a year and a half now. God finally answered my years of prayers; he sent me my husband/friend that I will cherish my whole life. Thanks to the matrimonial service provided by the Muslim Network of St. Louis. We (myself, my husband and my eight month old son are indeed very grateful to everyone who helped me find my "Dream Spouse".
Dear Madam........Assallam Alekum.
I am sorry I so late in attending to this important matter. It is to day that I have been able to open my computer. The delay is not because of any reluctance in paying the registration fees. I fact I must appreciate your efforts in undertaking such a noble work when people in US do not have time to devote their efforts for such like activity. Although we all realize the importance of your noble work but there may be people who may not be willing to contribute financially, which is unfortunate. I am already contributing to other central Islamic Organization and I would pay my humble contribution as well.
On behalf of me and my family, I wish you best of luck in your noble efforts and we all appreciate your efforts. May God bless you.
I want to let you know that yours is the best website and you people r doing a great job, quality is very good, i have contacted few families and they r all good.
Sorry for replying late. I was very busy at work and also for some other personal reasons (u might have guessed it). Things did work out between us; and as a matter of fact, yesterday only my parents have accepted his proposal.
Me and my family sincerely appreciate your efforts in finding such a wonderful life partner for me.
Thank you very much.
Thanks. In fact there has been my so much involvement in search for a reasonable and suitable family for my son that I lost keeping track. I will Insha Allah try to make a contribution to the organization as well. Yours is the only Islamic organization who has undertaken the matrimonial aspect of Muslim community so seriously. It deserves recognition and praise.
I have in touch with several Matrimonial services, some I have given a registration fee of $150, but MashaAllah you are running a very efficient service, quick on time response. Thank you for your hard work may Allah give you rewards.
Thank you for your advice. My daughter really appreciates the time you gave her. She will call you later to thank you.
Concern (Letter from a Concerned Parent)
Thanks for the reply and advice. Most of the mothers are very frank and indulge in long conversation. Most of them say that we like every thing about your family and boy, we have liked the photo as well, they say he is not only well qualified for our girls but he is rather over qualified and we wish that they accept this rishta but it is the children who say that they want US born and raised and that they feel helpless. Same is repeated in most of the e-mails. Most girl’s parent feel that the girls does not seem to be interested in a marriage. She appeared annoyed with their parents and make it very obvious.
Concerns (Letter from a boy’s father)
I am looking for an educated family for my son and during the course I have come across many families. I am sorry to say that Muslim families are some how obsessed with the matching of height rather then the family back ground, education of the boy and his potential to carry through the most competitive survival economic market in US. US born or otherwise, the economic and growth opportunities are the same. Mostly people are in service and I have seen both are venerable to lay off etc. It all depends, as I mentioned earlier the education of the boy and his field of specialty. Doctors with US approved qualifications may be having an edge on others, otherwise it is the same for every one. Those settled in their own business also have a better economical survival chance, depending on their business but are also equally venerable to set backs.
You are right in analyzing that what most parents and girls (with particular reference to Muslim community) are looking for qualities while choosing a spouse are quite different then what other communities living in US.
Some ladies commented that every one is looking for a Shah Rukh Khan. You are also correct when you say that the World is filled with normal people.
The net result what I have seen is that girls are reaching an advanced age and is the source of worry for parents in US.
Most of the girls who have good jobs over some period come to the conclusion that when they can pull on as being single why to get married. This is also the comments I have heard from many wise ladies.
Well, having the basic demand of US born and raised is also not a guarantee that the marriage would be success, otherwise there would not have been so many unfortunate divorces.
To my mind the parents should look for the family back ground and grooming of the boy. I am sorry for going into this discussion, I would conclude giving one example that in one case at the final stage of going through exchange of views, one mother dropped the issue on the plea that her daughter is 5'-5" but she wears three inches heal and she will look taller then the boy.
My son by the grace of Allah has all the potential but what I have seen here that parents are allergic to his H-1, status. Then is the obsession of US born and raised taboo, I could not make out any plus point in that, I have however heard parents commenting that boys other then US born/raised are not broad minded. I do not understand what really they imply. I feel it all depends on grooming of the boy rather then where he was born or raised but as you have very rightly commentated one can not argue with the parents on this issue. My son has a very deep understanding of Eastern and Western culture, as he had been to the capital cities of Europe and USA as part of his research work. On this issue as well it is very hard to convince the parents of girls.
Thank you for your time.
A struggle of about 4 months and the results are sweet by the help of Allah and muslim matrinomial service in saint louis. My family and I lost hope after trying every single day. We also tried few other sites like shadi.com and nikkah.com, on those sites it seemed like the candidates and parents weren't serious about this matter. They were just there to see whats out there or for time pass. In reality I completely agree with the feedback from ( letter from a boy), everything they mentioned is true. In our muslim community Trust is lacking. People are requiring the wierdest things for there sons/daughters. Even though in Islam Prophet Muhammad(P.B.U.H) mentioned four things when looking for a spouse, which is sunna, but our brothers and sisters are looking and asking for everything else besides these four things. In the end I would like thank the coordinators for this site for doing this wonderful deed for others. May Allah bless you for this and may you keep connecting people like you connected us.