Feedback-Concerns-Appreciation
(Letter from a boy)
First of all, this site
is really a commendable effort on behalf of the community. Marriage
not only saves an individual from the committing of gross
sins, but helps him/her to consolidate 'Iman' and
provide the bliss of various types of support individual
needs. Your site is an excellent effort towards this great
cause!
But coming back to the followers of Islam who are seeking
husbands for their daughters/ husbands for themselves through
this site,I have a few observations to share (OBSERVATIONS
INCLUDES RESPONSES FROM THIS SITE USERS AND MUSLIMS RESIDING
IN OTHER PARTS OF USA CONTACTED THROUGH OTHER MEANS):
- It seems that Muslims
brothers(parents) and sisters(marriage seeking) have
lost the courtesy to reply.All I see is
curiosity till they receive a detailed biodata and
pic. Once the same
is received ,they sit over it and never get back on
their own. After repeated follow ups, I have received responses
as -"I
haven't discussed with my wife/I haven't discussed
with husband/my husband is very busy these days/my
wife
is very busy/my
daughter is out of station/we recently had a surgery
few weeks ago
on one of the family members(this was not mentioned
while they asked the biodata 3 days ago!!)"
- Never-ever
the girls pic /biodata is forwarded by their parents.Is
there some kind of fobia in their minds?A
PDF file can be sent,if someone fears misuse.
- Conditions
like "boy should have spent at least
10 years in USA".He should be Americanized(Whatever
it means). No one has ever explained-how spending
10 years in USA will
make him a good muslim husband.Can someone please
explain?
- Some girls develop 'Cold Feet'
(?)if they know that the boy is particular about salaat/namaaz,
roza, reads Quran with
meaning, says 'Insha-allah'/'masha-allah' during
his
conversations .These are the same girls who think
drinking
ALCOHOL in limit
is OK. I have come across at least 2 muslim sisters
in USA who
practice drinking alcohol themselves AND DONT THINK
IT IS WRONG.
- Instead of analyzing case
to case,there is an attempt to generalize things(example"If
you have been moved to USA recently then you will not
give
freedom(?)
to your wife."Interestingly,no
one explains what freedom means to them at this
point).
- Unrealistic expectations:Once
I was asked to fly from Italy to California by a girls'
father (to
directly meet
him)who
was not willing to send a biodata nor a picture
after receiving the same from my end.(I in fact
asked him
that as he likes
my profile and is OK with my picture,why doesn't
he flies to Sicily to see me-I never received
any reply
from him
afterwards)
The list can go on and on.May be
other brothers can add their experiences.The sisters
can have
their
experiences too...
The only concern is that ,such events are
the hindrances in effectively addressing
the issue
of marriage
which every parent/every individual has to
face.
As some brother has rightly said that the
main objective should be to find a compatible
spouse
who should
be good for all the three - Deen, Duniya
and Aakhirat(The religion,The
world and the Hereafter).Once muslims take
the focus away from these three things,the
degeneration
will
become inevitable
as far as marriage is concerned.
May Allah alone guide all of us!
A
Concern
(A Frustrated Parent)
Assalam-u-aliakum,
JazakAllah Khair for helping me finding contact information
of requested profile.
May Allah (SWT) accept your effort and reward you here
and hereafter ameen.
I am facing problem contacting people. Some of the
boys do not return calls or answer the emails.
I am really
worried
about finding a suitable match for my daughter. Which
in today's world seems very hard.
It's
my heartily dua that May Allah swt Bless you with happiness,
Imaan and health and reward you
for your
hardwork ameen. May Allah Bless you
and reward you ameen.
Success
Story (An Unforgettable Birthday Present)
I got a bouquet of red roses on my birthday from my husband,
along with a teddy bear and a card, saying that all our
dreams would come true. At that time, I used to call him
a "Stranger".
Yes, he was a stranger, whom I had never met before. But
had just seen his picture. I never thought that some day,
some one would just pop up into my life.
It all began when a friend of mine asked me to create my
profile on Muslim network of St. Louis website. At first,
I was hesitant to create it but realizing that finding
a match in a non-Muslim country can be pretty difficult,
I
sent my profile and picture.
One day I got an e-mail from Muslim Network saying that a
person is interested in my profile and if I want to pursue
she can send me more details. I couldn't believe it. I had
just sent my profile a couple of days ago. And honestly,
I was in the biggest shock of my life. I had just graduated
in May and started working for a fortune 500 company. My
husband pursued immediately in getting my brother's contact
information and contacted us.
And the rest is beautiful history.
I have been happily married for a year and a half now. God finally answered
my years of prayers; he sent me my husband/friend that I will cherish my whole
life.
Thanks to the matrimonial service provided by the Muslim Network of St. Louis.
We (myself, my husband and my eight month old son are indeed very grateful
to everyone who helped me find my "Dream Spouse".
Appreciation
Dear Madam........Assallam
Alekum. I am sorry I so late
in attending to this important matter. It is to day that
I have been able to open my computer.
The
delay is not because of any reluctance in paying the registration
fees. I fact I must appreciate your efforts in undertaking
such a noble work when people in US do not have time to
devote their efforts for such like activity. Although we
all realize
the importance of your noble work but there may be people
who may not be willing to contribute financially, which
is unfortunate. I am already contributing to other central
Islamic
Organization and I would pay my humble contribution as
well.
On behalf of me and my family, I wish you best of luck
in your noble efforts and we all appreciate your efforts.
May God bless you.
Appreciation
I
want to let you know that yours is the best website and
you people r
doing a great job, quality is very good, i have contacted
few families and they r all good. Thanks
AA
Success Story
AOA,
Sorry for replying late. I was very busy at work and also for some other personal
reasons (u might have guessed it). Things did work out between us; and as a
matter of fact, yesterday only my parents have accepted his proposal.
Me and my family sincerely appreciate your efforts in finding such a wonderful
life partner for me.
Thank you very much. Regards,
SS.
Appreciation
Assallam Alekum.
Thanks. In fact there has been my so much involvement in search for a reasonable
and suitable family for my son that I lost keeping track. I will Insha Allah
try to make a contribution to the organization as well. Yours is the only Islamic
organization who has undertaken the matrimonial aspect of Muslim community
so seriously. It deserves recognition and praise. Regards.
Appreciation
AOA, I have in touch with several Matrimonial services, some
I have given a registration fee of $150, but MashaAllah you
are running a very efficient service, quick on time response.
Thank you for your hard work may Allah give you rewards.
AU
Appreciation
AA, Thank you for your advice. My daughter really appreciates
the time you gave her. She will call you later to thank you.
RC
Concern (Letter from a Concerned
Parent)
As-salam Alaikum.
Thanks for the reply and advice. Most of the mothers are
very frank and indulge in long conversation. Most of them
say that we like every thing about your
family and boy, we have liked the photo as well, they say he is not only well
qualified for our girls but he is rather over qualified and we wish that they
accept this rishta but it is the children who say that they want US born and
raised and that they feel helpless. Same is repeated in most of the e-mails.
Most girl’s parent feel that the girls does not seem to be interested
in a marriage. She appeared annoyed with their parents and make it very obvious.
Thanks again
Concerns (Letter from a boy’s father)
I am looking for an educated family for my son and during
the course I have come across many families. I am sorry to
say that Muslim families are some how obsessed with the matching
of height rather then the family back ground, education of
the boy and his potential to carry through the most competitive
survival economic market in US. US born or otherwise, the
economic and growth opportunities are the same. Mostly people
are in service and I have seen both are venerable to lay
off etc. It all depends, as I mentioned earlier the education
of the boy and his field of specialty. Doctors with US approved
qualifications may be having an edge on others, otherwise
it is the same for every one. Those settled in their own
business also have a better economical survival chance, depending
on their business but are also equally venerable to set backs.
You are right in analyzing that what most parents and girls
(with particular reference to Muslim community) are looking
for qualities while choosing a spouse are quite different
then what other communities living in US.
Some ladies commented that every one is looking for a Shah
Rukh Khan. You are also correct when you say that the World
is filled with normal people.
The net result what I have seen is that girls are reaching
an advanced age and is the source of worry for parents in
US.
Most of the girls who have good jobs over some period come
to the conclusion that when they can pull on as being single
why to get married. This is also the comments I have heard
from many wise ladies.
Well, having the basic demand of US born and raised is also
not a guarantee that the marriage would be success, otherwise
there would not have been so many unfortunate divorces.
To my mind the parents should
look for the family back ground and grooming of the boy.
I am sorry for going into this discussion,
I would conclude giving one example that in one case at the
final stage of going through exchange of views, one mother
dropped the issue on the plea that her daughter is 5'-5" but
she wears three inches heal and she will look taller then
the boy.
My son by the grace of Allah has all the potential but what
I have seen here that parents are allergic to his H-1, status.
Then is the obsession of US born and raised taboo, I could
not make out any plus point in that, I have however heard
parents commenting that boys other then US born/raised are
not broad minded. I do not understand what really they imply.
I feel it all depends on grooming of the boy rather then
where he was born or raised but as you have very rightly
commentated one can not argue with the parents on this issue.
My son has a very deep understanding of Eastern and Western
culture, as he had been to the capital cities of Europe and
USA as part of his research work. On this issue as well it
is very hard to convince the parents of girls.
Thank you for your time.
UA
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